This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
