one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
The best revenge is premature balding
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
