I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
