I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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