did you get engaged???
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
