Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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