yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
