when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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