Tell her she can't have a vagina
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
