i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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