so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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