it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You ruined the universe
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
