you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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