I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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