Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize