Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
