and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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