Can Purell be used as lube?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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