I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
