Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
