Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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