He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
