OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
