I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
