I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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