Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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