i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
