I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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