I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Sorry my hands just texted you
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
