So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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