ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
