You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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