You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
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I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
We talked him into tasing himself.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
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Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.