After last night, I could never be a politician.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Stuck it in his pooper.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
We left an ass print on the piano.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.