Texts From Last Night

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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.

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  (405): i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy. http://tfl.nu/1yd9
  Replies (19) Good night (3428) Bad night (763)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up

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  (330): Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up http://tfl.nu/ip0y
  Replies (13) Good night (677) Bad night (3041)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels

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  (330): i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels http://tfl.nu/84kp
  Replies (16) Good night (1217) Bad night (5360)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.

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  (303): I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all. http://tfl.nu/c3dm
  Replies (16) Good night (6021) Bad night (922)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am

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  (240): seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am http://tfl.nu/z6p6
  Replies (7) Good night (2637) Bad night (852)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.

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  (814): Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis. http://tfl.nu/uw51
  Replies (5) Good night (2145) Bad night (750)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?

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  (360): True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not? http://tfl.nu/5au2
  Replies (4) Good night (2167) Bad night (961)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?

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  (513): Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far? http://tfl.nu/e2iz
  Replies (7) Good night (2609) Bad night (891)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.

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  (406): drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor. http://tfl.nu/nkni
  Replies (4) Good night (1519) Bad night (976)
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!

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  (416): WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?! http://tfl.nu/lb62
  Replies (12) Good night (963) Bad night (2083)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.

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  (520): One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops. http://tfl.nu/4y8e
  Replies (10) Good night (1986) Bad night (669)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry

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  (304): I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry http://tfl.nu/4kpv
  Replies (5) Good night (1364) Bad night (720)
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.

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  (573): Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them. http://tfl.nu/c182
  Replies (8) Good night (845) Bad night (342)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits

  (1-919): View more from North Carolina

  Another sexterpiece awaits

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  (919): Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits (1-919): Another sexterpiece awaits http://tfl.nu/xw4q
  Replies (3) Good night (673) Bad night (506)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.

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  (570): Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore. http://tfl.nu/jsbv
  Replies (2) Good night (712) Bad night (358)

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