i permit you to call me
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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