we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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