The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Redeem this text for a blowjob
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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