My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
