we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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