My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I think I am morally bankrupt
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
