I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
