Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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