Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
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you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
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i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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