I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
