Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
