walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
