Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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