can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
