Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
