OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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