dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
