I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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