haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Randomize
