she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
