Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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