I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
