he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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