honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
