oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
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She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
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I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
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