When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
