dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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