I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
