when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize
