i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I met the friendliest cop last night
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
