She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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