dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
The struggles of a small town man whore
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
